Check out more vlogs!! 90hdrz :)
Check out more vlogs!! 90hdrz :)
I’ve realized it’s been a while, but I’m here once again. Well, the death of “2012” has fallen upon us and TIME has given birth to “2013”. Life is still life. I’m still dreaming like crazy and feel just a bit closer :) Content, grateful, happy. What will you make of this year?
Okay, I’m only kidding! It seemed to be a good time to just, write; no type. I’m planning and planning and planning. Yet I have NOTHING to do. How does that happen? All talk but NO action. That’s horrible, I think. So much running through my head. Lately YouTube has been my best friend. Isn’t that sad? Maybe but hey I’m probably not the only one. Anyway, I was watching many types of videos: Music covers, music videos, interviews, beauty tutorials, vloggers ETC. I noticed, and/or it was confirmed to me that everyone is average, ordinary, simple. This part of people help us relate to one another of course. The only thing that sets us apart from the person next to us is our mind. What’s on your mind? No, not llike on FACEBOOK. All the things we think, plan, dream, fantasize, want…you get it. All the things that are NOT SAID or EXPRESSED. That right there is what sets us apart. Now as I watch YouTube videos on average people, I realize they are doing this. They are bold enough to SAY and EXPRESS what is on their minds. And that, my friends, is what sets them apart.
In all honestly, I don’t know why I used that word.Rant. I don’t even like it. Sounds very old bitter woman-ish. But anyway. I guess I will be “ranting” a bit. Just a tad. Have you ever touched a little rollie pollie and watched as it just curls up into a tiny little ball? Yes, that is how I feel; the rollie pollie. People can be pretty cruel sometimes & pretty heartless too. I just wonder sometimes when was the point where they began to allow themselves to get to the point of WANTING to cause someone some sort of discomfort. The first thing I feel is hurt then anger. Pretty typical. Hurt because of the pain inflicted & anger because I am unable to punch their lights out. I don’t enjoy playing a “victim” card but in my right well in this case, I am no perpetrator. I try to be a good friend, polite, considerate, compassionate, empathetic, FORGIVING but not to get something in return. Sometimes I wish others would view things the way I do. I know, apart from those wonderful things I’m imperfect, selfish and inconsistent (to list a few). But I guess we all wish that (for others to understand). A sense of belonging. A place that I can call my own & that no one can ever take away from me because it is rightfully mine. Someday, because I truly believe in a better tomorrow, always, WILL fall into place in the end. Well, I guess Im just waiting for my “end”. No not my death!! Woo. Relieved. I’m done
I would like to find just one person who, like me, does this one thing. Ok so here it is: When I look at a person, I always picture how they were when they were in kindergarten. Weird huh? But I do. Sometimes people don’t change all that much. I was also thinking about how places and smells remind me so much about different times in my life. I know a lot of people can relate to that one. What about this? You are at a place or even just riding in your car and you set your mind to think of yourself in a completely different place. It could be a place you’ve been before or somewhere you know you haven’t been to or even a time of your own life that you once knew. The way you perceive where you are at that very moment can change dramatically. Maybe we do have the ability to control what we perceive apart from what is learned. What do you think? Hmm, who knows. It’s just random thoughts. Adieu!
Now, I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. Do you ever feel like: “why is this person in my thoughts so much?”, “I’m not intentionally thinking about them”, or “does this mean they are thinking of me?”. Things like these have happened to me often. Lately, more than ever it has. Well, I’m sure it’s pretty obvious but if it isn’t let me tell you. It seems as though I’ve developed a, hmm, what’s another word for “crush”. I don’t want to use that word because I am not 12. Anyways. When this occurs, let me just tell you what goes down. First, if there was an intial introduction, thats good, theres an interest. Second comes the conversation!! AHHH jk. If it was a “good” convo then that increases my interest level. Third reading/responding to body language. The moment has become something memorable. Fourth, the feather stage. For me it’s the “Aww and then this happened..”, “and this.” OVERthinking and OVERanalyzing everything. Fifth, comes the insecurity and doubt where I feel like I fall short of the amazingness. Sixth, or lastly, comes acceptance. Accepting that I do not know whats going on in their head. Accepting that I am worth it. Accepting that there is a “YES” and “NO” possibility. Accepting that I’m not the only one. All in all, I’m a wreck but mostly I’m just plain w o m a n.
It just doesnt feel right. I thought it was my mattress but it isn’t. I’m simply dealing with my insomnia/sleep apnea/sleep paralysis and its all because of STRESS. Well not today! After finally getting some sleep at SIX AM I decided to stop. So tonight, at 11pm or so I will climb into bed, yes climb because I’m only 5ft, and I WILL SLEEP. That is all
I want to go!!! When you start not only thinking but having dreams that you’re somewhere else, maybe it’s time to be somewhere else…